I came home from a trip to Chicago a day early to cover the first of what will probably be many zoning hearings on “The Office,” a proposed strip club in rural York County.
I had to.
This controversy is the event of the millenium for the tiny town of Brogue, Pa. I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge it.
It’s sort of boring, I suppose, compared to this, the Touts, tweets and photos that I and colleague Sonya compiled on scene.
Here are some of the things that actually happened as the Brogue brigade questioned Jeff Levy, a 25-year veteran of the adult entertainment industry, COO of Delilah’s in Philadelphia, and the executive director of the Pennsylvania Hospitality and Entertainment Association.
1. Sound like a lot of experience to you? The Broguers weren’t so sure. They questioned at his degrees, credentials and even asked him about his marital status. (He isn’t married, apparently, and I’m not sure why that was relevant.)
“There is no university in the world that offers a degree in the gentlemen’s club industry,” Levy said.
Not yet. Thank you, Jeff Levy. Every fraternity boy at Penn State is now waiting with breath that is baited.
2. Levy explained that at Delilah’s, neighbors and friends of strip club guests are charitable, making sure drunks get home safely.
Following this statement, one gentleman brought the Amish into the equation for some unknown reason.
First, he asked about whether the Chanceford Township Amish folk would visit the strip club. Levy said that the Amish are welcomed, if they feel so inclined.
Then, he asked if Amish buggies could take the drink people home.
I’m not sure what to say about this, and the lawyer on Levy’s side actually refused to answer the question.
3. One man defined “prostitution” for the group.
He explained that it’s when a “man pays a woman for sex.”
True, that’s one example.
But it’s 2013. That word encompasses a lot more freaky activities than just your run of the mill sexual intercourse. I won’t go there.
4. People were holding signs that said “My daddy shouldn’t be here.”
Last night, “here” was the Clearview Elementary School gym for a zoning hearing.
Your daddy shouldn’t be where? Shouldn’t be at the strip club?
Shouldn’t be at the hearing? Shouldn’t be at the prayer vigil that preceded the hearing?
Shouldn’t be on the planet Earth?!?
5. The point was argued that cab companies don’t service the Brogue, the so-called hinterlands of York County. That’s why all the drunk people might wreak havoc, and so forth.
As I was writing my story from the lobby of Clearview Elementary, a message came onto the loudspeaker.
A cab, apparently, had arrived at the elementary school to pick up someone named “Brad.”
They were letting “Brad” know that his cab had arrived.
6. Forget the strip club. Just hold zoning hearings and charge a cover.
Robert’s Rules be damned.
The uproarious laughter and applause flew from every which way during this hearing was like nothing I have ever seen at a municipal meeting. Ever.
At one point, a lawyer asked Levy what his “B.S.” degree was in.
(It’s in education.)
The crowd cracked up.
The lawyer who asked the question would later tell me he didn’t intend to be funny.